Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Houston, we have a squirter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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