dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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