Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
