Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize