eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
