Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
