so that wasnt chicken after all
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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