I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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