i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize