Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
