New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
