Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
