I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
