i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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