After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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