Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
