some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
