im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
