The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
