Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
