Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize