Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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