This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
