dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize