her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
