Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I still have a little drunk in my system
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize