I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
