so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
