My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
