I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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