so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
