come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
