she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
