I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
