In the future we'll all be gay
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
