You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
