I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
