I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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