You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
