Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
