Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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