oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
