No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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