I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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