When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
