i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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