And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Panties = found
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize