one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
