So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
two words: eviction party
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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