You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize