It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
