I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
