The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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