I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
