I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
