The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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