OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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