the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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