Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
