Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize