Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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