my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
