i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
