hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
