I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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