before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
