so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
