And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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