take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
