So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
