Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
