I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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